quote of the day

This is our normal dinner conversation:




michelle: mom, wouldn't nicole be a good jail social worker?

nicole: i wanted to be, but then dad said i'd get shot. but i think it'd be fun.

mom: um NO. they would throw their poop at you. im not kidding. IM NOT KIDDING!

dad: they would.

mom: ...thats why i'd commit suicide before i ever went to jail.

Quote of the day

Me: I'm PATHETIC!!!! I'm a college grad and live with my parents!
Mom: Hey, you chose this
Me: *silence*
Mom: ...............and your parents are awesome.

and

Mom: stop putting yourself on the clearance rack at k-mart. Your future husband does not shop there. You belong at Nordstroms, and you are not on sale!



Thanks mom.<3 br="br">

What if what?

"What if what? What if he were a different person? God knows what he's doing, trust me.

The only way to be happy in life is to accept that there are really hard parts. And I know that they are hard…sometimes unbearable.

I think you learned a lot of valuable things from your experience. I think it was excruciating for you at times, and I wouldn't wish that upon you again. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but I also would never want to take away from you what you learned from it. But your husband isn't going to be perfect to you either…and you won't be perfect to him..but if you value each other enough to keep trying, THAT is what makes a perfect relationship.

You are angry and bitter now and that is a natural reaction…I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. This is the part of life that is hard- having those feelings. But I'll warn you... holding those hateful feelings for too long will end up hurting you in the long run. It’s human nature to feel angry, hateful feelings toward people who have hurt you. It is adaptive. It keeps us from associating with those people over and over again…but the Lord is the only one who can help us get over those hateful feelings. I think it's normal to be mad and wish someone harm when they have harmed you, but that doesn't mean it’s the best way to cope with a situation. "Let the past make you better, not bitter".

It’s so hard, but it does get better. I also like to think that the depth of my pain actually enlarged my capacity to feel joy…because now I have a comparison point. I think you have the capacity to feel joy beyond most people, because you have suffered, and I think God takes that into account. God  hasn't forgotten about you. You aren't having these experiences for nothing. Life is hard and there are no guarantees, but that's the deal we agreed to.

Honestly, I’m just grateful for the chance to try. And even though I've seen a pretty hefty amount of sorrow for one person, due to circumstance and genetics, I know that I am far better off and have experienced blessings some people will never get to…like people who are born into third world countries..and people who are abused as children or as adults or people without a sound mind, who can't take care of themselves. I just want you to know that I am happy even though you and I have been in similar situations. I want you to know that it's possible to be happy despite our experiences. Honestly, I am happier with my life right now than I have ever been. Everything is falling into place! I get teary eyed all the time because I don't know how I have been so fortunate.

But it was a really long process…and I was mentally ill and physically ill for a really long time. and I’ve been disappointed and had my heart broken and been so discouraged. I thought I would never be able to be healthy again…and I thought I would never be able to be happy. I just kept going. Honestly, I had no hope. but I think I needed to learn to keep going.

I know it’s not fun….but you know what happened when I kept going? I was soooooooo soooooooo angry and I didn't understand why I couldn't get better but I decided if I couldn't get better, I would at least do everything in my power to live a better life. I decided I could either be miserable and not do anything or I could live a miserable life while being productive. I wanted to live my life. I wanted to be righteous and serve God and achieve what I needed to in order to make a difference in the world. I wanted to be a contributing member of society whether I was happy or miserable. I wanted to be able to say that I had honestly given every ounce of my strength trying to do the right thing, regardless of my emotional state. I had accepted that I was going to feel sadness for the rest of my life and I could either be bitter about it, or go on living. And I chose to go on living. To quote Suzanne Collins in a non-ridiculous way...."it really is not a mistake to go on living."

That line in the book changed my attitude. Regardless of how bad it gets, it's not a mistake to go on living. I think God would agree with that too. I don't know how I got off on this tangent, I guess I just want you to know that it gets better.

I don't know what the Lord wants you to learn…so ask him. I did. He's not going to hold it back if you earnestly want to know what you should do…or if you have the desire to learn from life rather that just suffer through it. I don't want you to think I’m judging you for being bitter or sad..I’m not.  But I finally understand that suffering is a part of life. Life is both a test and a preparation. You're being prepared for something! I know it's really, really hard…but you can either be miserable and unproductive and just wallow in your misery like I did for a while…or you can make the conscious decision to go on living.

Listen..... anyone can get married. What you want is to marry the right person and on heavenly father's time frame…that's the thing about life... sometimes you have to experience the crappiness to truly understand the depth of how bad it could have been…or to understand that you're lucky it didn't turn out like you planned. I promise you that things will turn out for the absolute best, but only if you decide to go on living."

quote

500th post.

"just because you can't find the right one, doesn't mean you have to settle for the wrong one. don't settle for the wrong one."

quote of the day

"Apologizing does not always mean that you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego."

quote of the day

me: "omg she is pregnant AGAIN!!!"
her: "what, is she aiming for a soccer team or something!?"

quote i needed

Stole this quote from one of my best friends blogs...and i really needed it.
thanks natalee

“There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer. There is no disease that enough love will not heal. No door that enough love will not open. No gulf that enough love will not bridge. No wall that enough love will not throw down. And no sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble. How hopeless the outlook. How muddled the tangle. How great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. And if you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful person in the world.”

quote of the day

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor"

his and mine

what is my most fav pin i've pinned on my pinterest you ask?

Thank you, dear Emily Bronte.

(...and this is to you, future L.O.M.L.)

enjoy.

i'm a red. but guess what? i cannot find that scene from that dumb movie ANYWHERE. so let me paraphrase it for you:

boy-"i didnt ask you to marry me all this time, because i was scared i wasn't enough."
girl-"oh don't talk like that or i'll kill you!"
boy- "No, no.. i'm serious. i was scared i wasnt going to be enough for you and for our son.i was terrified. but then, i thought about how much you worry...and how you are always so worried about me and about every little thing on earth, (and honey you know you worry so much) and then i thought... if i didn't marry you, someone else would. and they could be mean to you, and they could hurt you. i couldn't stand that thought. they could hurt you because you worry so much and you can't even help it! but i absolutely love that about you!!! i do. i love that you worry so much because i love you. i dont want to give anyone the smallest chance of hurting you. even though i'm scared i'm not enough..i can't risk it. i love you. more than anything, i need to marry you."


badda bing badda boom. that man will come along for me. and i'm eager to meet him.

change.

Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.


-The Wonder Years

time for change..+ kiddies

ok you guys. i need to change my blog name. it has bothered me since uhm, senior year of highschool...but that was the most creative thing i could think of. so, readers, suggest away before i think of something just as lame or lamer- than bloggiebloggieblog.

------------------------

in other news: i love kids. wanna know why? they say hilarious things. today i was driving corb to tumbling..and we were rocking out to the lion king soundtrack in the truck..annnd we sort of got into it alot like we do when i put classical music on and we pretend to be some big-shot composer and over dramaticize everything (is that a word?)  Anyways, being you know, crazy and dancing, singing, etc.after a minute corbin stopped, but i was still pretending i was Zazu the responsible, british-bird... and this is what happened.

Corbin finally turned the stereo down...and i kept rockin out. he silently looked at me, and started poking my arm while i was singing. i looked at him...and he gave me the serious eyes..

Corbin: i wish there was a button to turn this down...

(yes. i have been muted by a 9 year old.)

also....when i was at tumbling with him, i was watching with the parents like i always do up in the viewing area, and there is this ADORABLE girl named sarah who is two years old who comes in every week to watch her big brother and sister tumble. (she looks EXACTLY like my sister Jackie did when she was little.)
anyways, this little girl, has the funniest, sassiest vocabulary ever. But, she'll only be my friend when i smile and compliment her, so i did. Mind you, she is TWO!!

Me: Thats pretty lipstick sarah! Is it your moms?
(she inches over to sit by me..)

Sarah: (glopping on sparkly lipgloss) Thank you! Um, its my moms.

Me: Prettttttyyyy!

Sarah: I have my finger nails painted, they are pink. Look at my nails! Do you have your toes painted?

Me: Yeah but you cant see right now cuz i have shoes and socks on.
(sarah takes off her velcro shoes and shoves her little toes by me)

Sarah: Big sarah painted them and they match my fingers, see? they are pink.

Me: Pretty! How old are you again?

Sarah: I'm 2. I'm a big girl. But i was just naughty a minute ago and i didnt get a quarter and my mom spanked me cuz i was bad.
(mom awkwardly laughs and says 'ohhhh she's telling lies..')

Sarah: But I'll listen next time. And guess what, I'm a big girl so I'm pottytrained, except for the other day i pooped and peed in my underwear.

potty-trained at TWO!? i wasn't potty trained till at least 3... and i remember at the age of possibly after 3, I pooped and peed in my underwear cuz i was too busy playing outside to care about proper toilet training. what the heck!?

from the mouth of corbin

corbin is the sweet litte 8 year old i nanny. blake his big brother, whos 11.


(while i was helping him with his homework)
me: you could use it in a sentence like.... 'corbin sat like a lump on the couch'
corbin: corbin made a lump...........in his pants.


blake: it was so so salty!!!!
corbin: kinda like worms?
blake: corbin you tried worms before?
corbin: whaaaaat? it was ONE time. i was curious.


corbin: my parents didnt know until they realized my pet goldfish was missing. it tasted like.. fried fish. but just.. raw. you know?


blake: would you rather be cool or hot?
corbin: cool. being hot is the chicks job.


(playing super mario..)
blake: pause it a second while i'm on the phone or i'll die!!!
corbin: (pauses it for 5 seconds and then unpauses it and looks at me) What?? its what brothers do.


me: do you have a girlfriend at school?
corbin: girlfriendS.
me: do you love them?
corbin: yes
blake: WHAT!?!?
corbin: what? i'm in love. i really am you guys.

mr. hanks.

i have no idea where the quote is from that i posted a while back...the one about a lifetimes worth of talk? ya know what i'm talkin about?.. but i love it.. so much. it makes me think of the most tender memories i have of my favorite patients... ann and russell. that quote encompasses what i want in my life. a lifetimes worth of talk.

anyways, latelys been rough.

but i remembered this tonight and it made me feel a little better though.

and i've loved this quote for so long..

 i watched cast away annnnd when tom hanks comes home from the island and finds out his fiancee who thought he was dead was married to a dentist, annnnd this is what he monologued to his buddy:

"And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

thanks mr. hanks.

(Anaehoomalu bay on the big island. ahh. i miss it.)

a lifetimes talk

"love isnt an act. its a whole life. its staying with her now because she needs you; its knowing you and her will still care about eachother when butterflies and daydreams, fights and futures, when all thats on the shelf and done with. love.. i'll tell you what love is: it's you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the others step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetimes talk is over." -Brian Moore

updates, legos and fish.

i've been M.I.A lately. sorry.

lately:
I've been hating the recent snow. hate hate hate. instead of going outside and doing normal daily tasks, i watch animal planet and eat cookies with my roommates.

speaking of cookies, i keep gaining that stupid winter fatty weight from Nadeene and its killin me.

harry potter 7= epic. i love everything about the magical world of witchcraft and wizardry. and someone...got a very special letter from that school.. i'll post pictures soon.

i cant get enough of 'no doubt' lately. i just love em. maybe cuz my friend nannies for gwen.. but seriously. i love her.

i nanny for 2 sweet little boys a few days here in logan. here are some funny things i've been meaning to post..

corbin: and then we crashed the lego cars off the cliff and pretended they exploded!
blake: corbin, that is violent. (sincerely with a thoughtful look) i just.. dont get violence.

corbin: i want to play my legos in PEACE!!!!

corbin: you shouldnt feed fishsticks to fish. thats like having a human eat their arm.

best advice..

me: whats your advice for me today?
mom: don't listen to any advice from anyone. make your own decisions based on what YOU think is best.

quote of the day

"I'm just going to bed. I'm not showering. Showering is for girls with boyfriends."