So what 4 years later + and 400th!

400th blog post? seriously?.........

is that cool or pathetic? i'd say pathetic. but whatever. i've had this thing for like 3 years, so shut up.

once upon a time i went to efy when i was skinny and cute at the age of 17. no love-handles, pretty young face- hot stuff. ahhh those were the days. DANGIT.

 anyways,  i had a darling counselor named savanna who gave us the 'so what' challenge. she encouraged us to write down the facts about us and give them the 'so what' aspect. what action did i want to take with these things? how was i going to let it affect my life? how was i going to move forward and what would happen?

well, four years later. here it is, thanks to my handy dandy diary.

"i'm seventeen and will graduate next year. so what?
i've had my heart broken. so what?
i'm a cna. so what?
i'm going to college soon. so what?
i often sleep through early church. so what?
i want to get married and have kids. so what?
i slack off in school. so what?
i'm scared to give my heart away. so what?
i know i'll get married in the temple someday. so what?
i still don't know who i am. so what?"
---------------------------

well...

• i graduated highschool. hip hip hooray... thank heavens for a few best friends and advanced theater for getting me through my senior year. it would have been a LOOONG one without that class. graduating means i wouldnt be stuck flippin burgers and eatin fries the rest of my life. i'd say graduating dear ol davis high was a major plus.

• i didn't really learn much from my heartbreaks, just moved on from one stupid highschool fling to the next, with plenty of tears involved. i did however get hurt alot by immature boys, got really depressed and wished away problems a lot which got me nowhere but into the arms of my mother, which was a good thing. i can't tell you how many times i've walked into the laundry room on the way up to my bedroom, and just stood there and held out my arms out for a hug when i'm coping with a heart break. i guess i did learn that mothers know best, even if they are just forcing you to go get your nails done to cheer you up. thanks mom. and thanks 'star nails'

 

• starting the summer before my senior year, i started working in hospitals and saw peoples lives slip away every day. i saw grieving families come together and comfort eachother while they watched their loved ones die...i heard life stories and learned life lessons from those much older and wiser than me, and i also had some of the most spiritual experiences of my life. (i also wiped a lot of butts..no biggie.) and it all happened because i simply decided to walk into the office one day and apply for the CNA course. it has honestly changed my life... who woulda thought? my sporratic personality would come in handy some day :) (minus stealing my sisters car when i was fifteen. hee-hee?) :/

• i'm in my 3rd year of college and will graduate next spring. i can't believe i've made it this far, i never expected that out of myself. my whole life people have pointed out that i'm a quitter. and mind you, i do tend to take the easy road in life.. so what if i quit violin, ice skating, clarinet, jazz, ballet, tap,.............etc....!? but forreals, i never thought i'd get this far in school. its one thing i can be proud of. shazzam.  

• sleeping through early church is never good. so its super early and i usually dont go to bed till 3...but..i need to put oil in my lamp, even if its just a little bit. the only way to be happy is through the gospel. and giving equal time to the Lord is the least we can do.

• i've always wanted to be a mom. i dream of rocking my baby to sleep in a little baby nook i'm going to force my husband to build me. and, note to heaven- i want all girls. i will sell my boys on ebay if i have any.

•   i did slack off in highschool. little did i know that finding time to get to the library and studying was going to be a PRIVELAGE in college. i don't slack off anymore really. well, at least not as much. maybe its because college costs benjamins, so its gotta be worth it.. right? if its not worth it i'm gonna be pissed.

• i've always been scared to give my heart away, but who hasn't? you are lying if you say you've never been scared to make yourself vulnerable. the feeling makes me wanna puke. but.....  you cant steal second with your foot on first.

• i still know i'll get married in the temple. no excuses. how would i ever cheat myself or someone else out of a completely happy eternity by not marrying in the temple? its just silly to give that up. duh.

• i still dont know who i am. i wont know who i am till i'm 85 and giving my grandkids sherbet ice cream talking their ear off, because i've barely nicked the beginnings of my life. i'm 21. i'm obnoxious and insecure still, and havent learned the things i want to learn. i cant exactly tell someone my life story before i've lived it.

So, thats what.