Friday, October 4, 2013

Fresh new start

I've been living in California the past 8 months and I just moved home about a month ago because I decided it was time to stop nannying, and use my degree while I can. Time to grow up...yaknowwhatimean?

I'm a social worker at a drug and alcohol rehab center for women. Its really stressful..but also really rewarding. I'm exhausted everyday and cry a lot.. haha. But once I get used to it, things will be better! :)

Most of the women are prisoners and are court ordered for treatment. Some are homeless. Some are felons who were turned in by their family.
I see a lot of craaaaaaaaazy stuff everyday.... And everyday I realize that stupid decisions can change the course of your life forever. Most of these women are trying to get their children back from state custody, and its heartbreaking. The thing is... is that these are good, normal, everyday women who have just made bad choices...who have given up their free agency to a SUBSTANCE. A THING!

I'm seeing a lot of things in a different light lately.
And I've seen women absolutely change the course of their lives.
I've learned that anything is possible if you make up your mind to do it.
If you  make up your mind that heroin and meth and cocaine make you happy? youll keep using until it kills you.
If you make up your mind that your babies that are waiting for you to get clean are the most important thing? You can stay clean.


I'm living in Kaysville and commuting to work, which blows. I need to get my own place in slc soon. I'm pretty lonely...because work is hard and tiring annnnnnd people have lives and are busy. I come home everyday, take a bath, and go to bed. Sometimes I second guess moving home. and then I get mad at myself and wonder what would have happened had I stayed in California.
But that's just the loneliness talking I think. I hope.

I'm still single. I never thought i'd be.
boys aren't really interested in dating me. friends? yes. dating? no. they 'aren't ready to get married...or are in love with someone else...or are too busy.'
Its prettyyyyyyyy frustrating.
 Lonely sometimes..beause I ache to have a family of my own...but i'm doing okay.
Things will be okay if I do my part.

life can never be planned for. never never ever never.