Friday, November 16, 2012

chasing people.

chasing people will never make them want you.
it will pull them away from you, actually.

so, heres a little guide for you gals to learn what i have learned the past week...

how to get a boy to not like you:

girls...if ever there is a moment, where a boy you like is driving you crazy and giving you mixed messages for an entire MONTH of hanging out everyday...don't think its appropriate to go out for hot chocolate one night and park in your truck and say..
'hey. are you ever going to ask me out on a date? because i like you..and you tell my friends that you like me, but you aint making a move. so make one or dont, but just lemme know...cuz this no communication thing is frustrating'

because WOOOOAAHHHH there nelly....they will absolutely lose ANY feelings they had for you..i mean, any feelings. if they thought you were pretty before? nope....IMMEDIATE UGLY.
in fact, they wont even think about you ever again, and will bail on you for a younger, more hip chick who is hard to get...who has the same name as my first dog.

how to get boys to like you:


In the book 'why men love bitches' analogy is made...

when a man waits for hunting season and finally gets to go out and hunt with his buddies..he is beyond thrilled. he is so stoked to find the perfect moose to track and hunt down so he can come home with a beautiful kill. he will taxedermy that crap and hang it up on the wall with pride, because he worked for it!

however...if one day a man opens up his door and there is a dead, bloody moose head on his doorstep.... you better believe he isnt going to take that anywhere but the trash.

am i trash!? was i being a dead moose head? am i forever a dead moose head because i cut to the chase because i've been dragged around multiple times? i'm not good at playing games and im not good at NOT playing games. freak!

but what about when the hunter is just with the moose 24/7 and texts the moose all day and tells all my moose friends that he's interested?

but hey. frustration no more, because moose found out he was actually pursuing a deer. awesome.

dating is frustrating and totes not worth the pain of rejection.
so after all this drama happened and i was rejected by this boy who i was interested in..i thought..screw it. im not dating anymore. (the usual dramatic reaction that i have after i get dumped).
ive this sucks and i dont wanna suck anymore. so, i'm going to date myself. cuz I DONT SUCK!!!! I SWEAR!!

yes, thats right. i took myself to a play last week and it was just lovely. i got ready, put on some cute clothes, and was quite excited to spend the night with myself.

wanna know why this is a brilliant idea?

-i will never break my heart
-i will never yell at me when i do something wrong
-i will never break up with myself and then only text me when i'm bored or lonely
-i will never expect flowers and get nothing from me if i want the dang flowers!
-i will not text me mean things that make me cry
-i will never have to ask myself to take me on a fun trip!
-and i will never leave me for a younger, prettier girl.

likelihood that i will stay happy? 99%
brilliance level because i'm dating myself? BOSS STATUS.

Monday, November 12, 2012

There's an e-card for everything.

For example: My life...

College grad in a sucky economy

When an ex gets engaged

all my crushes.. ever

wish this didnt happen all the time..when really..

this is my normal life

and sometimes im bitter about my love life.

some girls make me crazy

and i probs shouldnt whine so much.

i'm pretty sure i'd be happier if i did real excerise instead of just walking up the stairs every now and then

...these people and i will never get along

you know who you are.

i'd love to say this but i'm afraid you'll hit me.

this on-going hipster trend is starting to make me crazy.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Murder Mystery Party!

Do me and Shay plan the best Halloween parties ever?


Murder at the Juice Joint was def a success. AAAAAND probs party of the century. MTV shoulda covered this.

Mansion? Check.
35 guests? Check.
Smashing 1920's attire? Check.
Best night EVER? Check.
...picture overload? Check.

Monday, November 5, 2012

boys aren't men.

Okay.. this has been on my mind for quite a little while. (and no, this isnt about anyone specific)


Please, please, please grow up and start being men.

Quit saving your money to buy that new video game poster.

..and please stop spening 1000 dollars on snowboard passes when you are trying to pay for college.

Please stop running around with your homies doing illegal things because YOLO.

Please please please please stop telling girls that you just wanna 'have fun' and 'date around' and that you arent 'ready for a commitment because you don't know what you want'. (RAGE)

Please stop leading us on and pretending you care just for your own enjoyment and to be a 'playa'.

 Please stop talking about your sweet ride and the rims you are about to purchase

... and your perfectly gelled hair.

Please give up that band that is getting nowhere because you live in UTAH.

Please stop with the name brands and all those stupid rvca and volcom shirts

and PLEASE for the love of pete, stop talking about how much iron you pumped at the gym yesterday. i dont care if you can bench press me! as long as i weigh less than you, we're cool.

But guess what? It doesnt matter. AT ALL. Not now and not ever.

A girl cares about some things in a MAN:

work ethic.
..and being a GROWN UP.

....not those silly things i listed at the beginning.

I'd like for a man to open my car door for me, focus on the important things in life, actually want a family someday and pull his head out of his butt before he is 47 and sitting on his mothers couch eating cheetos.

ya know.. it'd be a plus if the man i end up with looks exactly like Ryan Gosling..but if not, I will be so completely happy with my MAN and not a boy that i wish were a man. does that make sense?

and mind you, i am working to become a woman..not a silly little girl.
(sorry that this was a rant from a silly girl...obv i have some work to do..)
but FREAK i'd just like to pass a man on the street someday.. have him be polite and kind and gentle but strong and say....hmm. now thats a man.

abracadabra, get into my life.

k bye.