goodnight precious

throughout all my years of being a nurse's aide, i've had one very special couple that is close to my heart. i'm sure you remember the story i wrote about them for english (yes, i won the literary contest last semester with that entry) and i bet you remember the darling little 'goodnights' they had.

well, the sweet husband passed away. it wrenches my heart a little, since he was the one who took care of his dear wife all those years. never had a single health problem in his life. i think she'll go quite soon. honestly, i hope she does so she can be with him again.

Dreamland.

I wrote a 6 page scene for my english 2010 class. Who knew I could string something out that long? hahaha anyways. here is a snippet. yeah i know. this is only like half of it. i love writing about my patients because it helps me remember them better and how much they meant to me.
The plus is, my teacher is heather's brother in law. so he can't be too hard on me, right?

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As my nursing job was put on hold for the night, I took a quick glance back at Ann lying on the routinely chosen right side of her bed. Her face, dimly lit by the lamplight, lit up with a youthful excitement as Russell slowly hunched over to kiss her dry lips 3 times. Her smile widened as their gaze met when he stood back up. “Hello precious.” He said in his kind, thick Tennessee accent. She reciprocated with a cheery and loving “Hello dear”, in a tone only familiar to him. I quietly made my way down the darkened photo hallway, passing the dated pictures and scenes of past decades. In every photo, they could never part. I couldn’t imagine how they ever would part as age took them down the unknown road ahead.

I reached the family room and quietly cushioned myself into her squeaky green rocky chair as I always did. The fabric was worn from the past 40 years of use, and I tried to get comfortable. I kicked my shoes off and situated myself in the chair, quietly pulling the lever to lift the foot stool up. With careful hands and held breath, I turned on the white baby monitor that fed into her room. I listened through the static only to hear the love story expressed through this routine conversation of 75 years.

“Can I get you some water dear?” He asked.
“WHAT?” She bellowed back at him. Their conversation tone, like always, rose.
“WATER.” Russell enunciated the words and the baby monitor squealed with static and over-bearence. I turned the monitor down. There was a pause, and I knew he had raised the cup to her lips and let her drink out of her favorite silver mug. It didn’t matter that she didn’t remember she wasn’t thirsty. Russell was offering her something, and of course she would happily oblige.

“Oh thank you honey. My mouth was as dry as a stick!” Her southern belle politeness shone through across the radio waves. I heard heavy breathing and knew that Russell must have been exhausted from hunching over her bed and standing up so quickly. There was silence for a moment and I heard a little ‘pop’ recognizing that Russell had just taken the cap off of her much used Chap Stick. Silent still, I knew that he was putting Chap Stick on his wife’s lips for the night so they wouldn’t be painful and cracked when she woke up.

“I think I love you more and more everyday!” Her voice hinted that she smiled so wide that she could hardly get the words out.

“Oh thank you dear, I love you more and more everyday as well.” Hearing the creaks in the floor, I knew he scooted closer for the next sentence. “Well, I love you precious.” He announced sincerely. The next words were deep and meaningful, said with the lingering smile in her voice.

“I love you too darling. You are my life.”
“And you are my life.” He promptly and sincerely replied, inflecting his voice on the ‘my’ that she truly was his whole reason for being. Though I knew I was intruding on something beautiful, in this moment I felt so lucky to witness such a private exchange of words, and tears welled up in my eyes. I heard the switch on her nightstand light click off and listened to the rickety wheels of his walker on the carpet slowly fade away as I knew Russell was shuffling his way down to his room.

“I’ll see you in dreamland!” Her shaky and dated voice was ironically overflowing wish girlish delight, though I knew Russell probably couldn’t hear her. I heard his door shut and let the silence and reoccurring static ring in my ears. I glanced down at my small hands, sitting there in the silence. The bright pink nail polish was slowly chipping away and I could smell the powdery latex film left there from my gloves. Knowing there were hundreds of minutes of the night shift ahead of me, I convinced myself it was appropriate to use a few of them to daydream of future things and remember things long gone. I thought of how far I had come in my short nineteen years of life, compared to the ninety seven Ann and Russell shared. I had so many experiences behind me, but knew without a doubt that after tonight I had so many more to come in the years ahead. Few moments passed, and I finally heard the comforting heavy breathing of my sweet, sweet Ann, signaling to me that she was fast asleep. I smiled and knew that she’d be seeing Russell and herself in decades past, together, in dreamland.

oh the joys of being a CNA..

I'm going to be singin the blues tomorrow when i have to get up for work. No matter what drugs i take..(okay so sometimes i like sleeping pills), i never seem to feel rested. I've been getting up everyday at getting in that frigid car to go to work every day this week. I'm not complaining.. actually i am. Its just been a hard week- and i'm going back to Logan tomorrow and i'm not ready for the new semester at all. Oh well.

Patient # 1: The past 2 days of work have been delightful. First of all, a new patient i had was the most adorable greek man ever. He was the type of person who acts like he's known you forever. After i cleaned up his house and cooked him breakfast, he showed me a greek cookbook and we talked about greece for about an hour. He told me that i need to learn how to cook chicken and okrah, (whatever the heck that is..) He told me about his wife who had just passed away a few months previously..and it was sort of heartbreaking. With tears in his eyes he told me how much she loved going back to see her family in Greece, and how she would go every year. He choked back a sob and i could tell he was torn- he didn't know whether to go back without his sweet wife. Life is so different for him now..and i could tell he missed her so much. He showed me pictures and I mentioned how beautiful she was. Again tears filled his eyes. I tried to change the subject to something lighter.. so i said... "You like whiskey?" hahahha he had a whiskey book on his table and a few bottles lying around. it was a funny conversation :) He sure liked his scotch. I dont blame him. I'd drink myself to death if my spouse of 60 years died. (Not really. Okay.. maybe.)

Patient # 2: Another patient i had was the sweetest old lady; and can i just say she was absolutely STUNNING. I'm not kidding, i couldnt figure out who she looked like for like an hour.. but then i thought, she is the spitting image of Angelina Jolie..in about 40 or so years. I'm not even kidding. Sorry if thats creepy- but whatever. Her red lipstick and purple eyeshadow she could have done without, but her smile was so genuine. and her eyes lit up whenever she talked about her family. She told me she met her husband in a factory they were both working at during the war...And they couldnt get married for 3 years until he returned from the service. They had lived together in that very house for 60 years until he passed. Now she lived there alone..and i could tell she was lonesome. Her kids want to put her in an assisted living, but she has all those memories there. :( I told her that assisted living places are over rated, and she seemed to be getting along fine. (Her kids probably wouldnt like that, but whatever. i love her.) She told me that she would look at this digital picture frame her kids got her when she was lonely, with most of the pictures on there of her husband. It was pretty tender. I was off to the kitchen today to make her lunch, and as i was preparing her meal i found that i had to search the fridge for anything that wasn't expired :( She settled for pears and tuna fish that was close to its due date..its all she had. Later we watched a full hour of 'Alaksa's Most Extreme' and it was funny. Never watch bear attacks with an old woman. hahahahah. She is great. I'd post a picture of her, but that is SO against all the rules of HIPPA. Not to be confused with hippo.

Patient #3: Earlier this week i went to an old patients house that i saw over the summer... lets call her thelma.. and she had declined alot since i last saw her. I kinda don't like going to her house..its always messy and smelly and it makes me so sad that she lives there by herself. To her i was a new face, she didn't remember me, so she was giving me a really hard time. I've never been impatient with a patient. Ever. but this lady was KILLING ME. and it probably went down in the books as one of the grossest nights of my little CNA career...I'll spare you the details. I've never dry heaved at a patients house either..hmm. it was awful. But i scrubbed drool off me all night. (and other things i wont say.. they rhyme with meces.. boop.. and smit) Thelma refused to take her pills for me, so she kept them in her mouth all night and spit out the drool on occasion when i turned my head. It wouldn have been so bad if she hadnt refused to take them before i got there...but she sneakily spit them out after her neighbor gave them to her. I found them all sticky in her lap, stuck to her pants. Oh thelma. My shower was extra long that night.

Patient #4: This morning as i tried to wake bev, she refused to get out of bed and said, 'i'll be ready when i'm ready!' Ron had to come in twice to coax her out. He slowly hobbled over to her bed in his christmas robe and loafers and leaned down and said, "Good morning precious!" He put chapstick on her lips, and leaned over and gave her three little kisses. He continued, "I'd sure like to have breakfast with ya this mornin. I think it'd be best if you got up and got ready for the day so we can spend the mornin together." A huge smile came over her face and she agreed to get out of bed. They are still so in love. I love seeing them together. I don't know what i'm gonna do when she passes away.

Patient # 5': Mary was in the last stages of alzheimers..and her husband has struggled to take care of her for about 5 years, all by himself. I could tell how frustrated he was. He was really cross with her when she wouldnt respond, or would hold tight to her wheelchair and get mad at us. He had to be cross with her or else she wouldn't do a thing.. but it still made me sad. I asked her how she was doing.. and her husband said, "don't bother, she cant understand anything youre saying." Obviously she was confused 90% of the time.. but when he left the room, i was changing her soaking wet brief she was sitting in all day..and she quiety said to me, "Thank you for all you do. I really appreciate it." It felt kinda awesome to hear her say that.

Though i end up plugging my nose about 1/2 the day when I'm working... Its worth it. Every little frustrating moment is worth it...for moments when i see patients greiving, saying thank you, talking jibberish, smiling, laughing, saying things that make no sense at all, and all that good stuff.

randoms

the other morning when i was feeding barb her breakfast.. annie, her overweight pooch started howling at her... barb started howling back in her old, crackled voice. And then she looked at me and said, "What are the rules? To eating these oranges?"

I informed her there weren't any rules, and she was delighted.



oh p.s. ever heard the song 'cowboy casanova' by carrie underwood? well.. its a good one. and its on repeat in my brain. that is all.

House of Horrors

This morning i went to a new patients house in salt lake. by the looks of the outside...i was in for a treat.

You know the houses you see on the news with caution tape surrounding the outside? Yeah well i imagine that this house could someday be a posterchild for a terrifying crime scene that may someday pop up on the news. Dont get me wrong, my patient this morning was the CUTEST old man i have ever seen in my entire life, and i'm not exaggerating. Bless his heart, his pants kept falling down, his beenie and scarf and gloves made him look like a little kid, and his glasses were falling off his face...and during breakfast he picked up the same can of condensed milk to read the front of it every 55 seconds. (i counted.)

I guess he was living with his daughter...who came to the door in a leopard shirt and def leopard hair. i kid you not- straight outta the eighties...she eerily resembled Linda on 'The Wedding Singer'. slightly uncomfortable.

But oh wait, i enter the house and almost started crying. It looked like it hadn't been clean for months. How can anyone take care of someone, let alone a senile old man who has a memory span of 55 seconds, in a cluttered run down house? It seriously broke my heart. There was old food lying around the kitchen, mold in the bathtub, the walls were flaking off...there wasnt even enough floor space to get his walker through one room without having to move something. it was sad. I felt so blessed to live where i live and felt so awful for this poor man. If i had more time with this patient, i would deep clean their whole house when the freaky daughter left for work. And then i'd give my patient a lollipop and let him wander ANYWHERE he wanted to. Yes, i think thatd make him delighted.

Apart from this morning breaking my heart, it also creeped me out. I felt like i was in a clown house. I looked to the big pink wall on the righthand side of the house, and it was covered in masks. Yes, masks. probably like, 40 of them. Terrifying.

If you followed the pink wall upstairs past the masks, you saw the main wall of the landing which was a huge, solid chalkboard. Yes, the wall was one whole chalkboard. The absolute only thing i could think was.. "What the hell?" Along with the freaky chalkboard wall, all throughout the house...one wall of everyroom had a wall of mirrors. solid mirrors. even in the shower. creepy. I honestly was waiting for Chucky to run around the corner with a knife. along with that strange decore, the windows were draped with ponchos and decorated with fake flowers... Windchimes and birdhouses cluttered the kitchen, and I felt like i was in martha stewart hell.

After i showered the poor man and got him dressed, i took him to his adult daycare center. Dont worry though, 'Linda from The Wedding Singer' gave me the wrong directions so there i was in my red minivan with a 90- year old man bundled up in the front seat of the car not knowing who i was or where we were going...I think all of my U-turns were making him even more confused.. After driving around for quite some time, i realized that the center was about .2 miles away from his house. FAIL.

Am i going back on wednesday at 6:45 in the morning to shower him and take him to his adult day care again? You betchya.

"get me a coke and a subway sandwhich"

i've never been so happy to go to work before. i was tired and cranky yesterday and now my only complaint is my aching back.. but..so worth it. i missed being a hospice aide.

things that made my day:
-seeing a dinner spoon and knife fall out of graces sweater..at 9 in the morning. and her being glad to see that she didn't 'misplace' them.
-when bessie opened her mouth to show me her gums and how proud she was that she didn't have any teeth
-seeing poor, dying margorie sarcastically order around her husband because she wanted a coke and some food. he willingly got her both. (she then explained to me that he caughed on her and gave her MS and everything was his fault. it was hilarious.)
-having marge's husband tell me i was so skinny because i couldn't lift his wife by myself. fail, but win also.
-introducing myself to marie again even though i used to be her aide, and her seeing me and saying in her monotone hispanic accent, "hello suweetie."

hard day. but good day.

I'll miss..

things i'll miss about being a hospice aide:

-hearing the same stories over and over again, and listening like i've never heard them before

-hearing the 20 minute ice cream joke that ron tells everytime he has icecream

-helping my sweet little bev to bed every night

-having ken say 'hello' in the nicest voice he can muster.

-trying to figure out what ken means just from the few words he can use, and seeing the look on his face when i get it right.

-hearing the funny things my patients say in their sleep.. 'dwight howard!'

-the stories they tell from their childhood

-the stories about falling in love with their spouse

-hearing about their travels around the world

-hearing what it was like to climb Mount Everest (really. it happened, before she went crazy.)

-being genuinely thanked

-making breakfast and dinner for my patients

-hearing about what the war was like

-holding thier hands

-reminding bev what her walker is for

-hearing what it was like to see babe ruth play baseball
and growing up in the italian immigration part of brooklyn

-asking ron who his favorite president was and hearing 'roosevelt' and genuinely being shocked at how ancient he is

-watching sherlock holmes, perry mason, wheel of fortune, and jeopardy with them

-hearing margorie's random answers when i ask her a question. (ex. 'my cat had a phonecall' or 'there are educated outlaws tapping my phonelines')


three more days of work then i'm done. boo. :(

'but i always need you!'

so..
one morning when bev awoke (you know.. only my favorite 93 year old in the whole world) .. i was helping her to the bedside commode, and ron was already waiting for her to wake up. she saw him across the hall and waved like a little school girl, (mid-pee, mind you.) 5 minutes later, ron came hobbling into her room, out of breath with his squeaky walker. bevs face lit up like a kid in a candy store. she was smiling so big that her wrinkles had wrinkles, and i couldn't help but smile. imagine this conversation, in the thickest tennessee accent possible.

ron: Good morning precious!
bev: Good morning dear!!
ron: How did you sleep?
bev: Just fine thanks.
ron: Good to hear. Do you have time for a kiss?
bev: What? (bev lost her hearing aide. We are still looking for it.)
ron: DO. YOU. HAVE. TIME. FOR. A. KISS.?
bev: (checks watch)
ron: (hobbles over and gives her three kisses, like always.)
bev: Thank you dear!
ron: You're welcome precious. Would you like to have breakfast with me?
bev: What?
ron: WOULD. YOU. LIKE. TO. HAVE. BREAKFAST. WITH. ME.?
bev: OH!! of course. but i think i'll go back to bed first.
ron: Of course you would dear. (Giggles and looks at me. he hobbles out, turns around at the doorway, and blows a kiss to her.) Call me if you need me dear!
bev: (catches kiss and smiles at him) ...But i always need you.

tears welled up in my eyes. seriously. ron in the doorway in his robe that showed his skinny old legs, and bev on the bedside commode in her long pink nightie. both of them had morning breath and couldnt hear a single word the other was saying. but they smiled like it didn't matter. and there i was, sitting next to bev on the chase lounge, crying my eyes out while i wiped the tears away trying not to upset bev. i love them. i love how in love they are. i love that they look at eachother like they are 20 years old. i love how when bev wanders into his room at night because of the alzheimers, she wakes him up and he doesnt mind. in fact, she leans over him and says, 'Ron? Ron!? did you call my name? Are you okay?' He wakes up from a deep sleep and instead of being startled or angry, he smiles so wide and reaches up to kiss her on the lips. 'No precious, but i wish i had! I'll see you in a few minutes, okay?'.

i always listen to their converstaion on the baby monitor when he tucks her in.. but sometimes ron falls asleep so i get to tuck bev in myself. i give her a sip of water, (because if i don't, she'll wake up in the middle of the night and say, 'nurse! nurse! my mouth is as dry as a stick!'), put chapstick on her lips, fold her sheet halfway over her comforter and ask if shes comfortable. everynight she grabs my hand and everynight she says the same thing. 'Oh yes I'm comfortable. Thank you for all you do. You spoil me, there will be no livin' with me soon! Thank you. Have a good night sleep!' I always try and think of the different ways i can say 'youre welcome', because she thanks me so much.
Shes the greatest lady ever. she cant stand the feel of carpet on her feet so she always has to wear her pink slippers. hahahahh and when i put lotion on her, she always says, 'purrrr purrrr!' like a cat, and we both end up laughing so hard that neither of us can breathe.

I'm convinced that i have the best job in the world. sure a few diapers here and there, but it doesnt gross me out at all. i'm gonna miss my job.

sam?

me: hey margorie, where is your kitty, sam?
margorie: oh.. he had a phone call..
me: ...

goodnight precious!

so.. every night my patients husband tucks her into bed. and every night, they have the same conversation.

Ron: Are you comfortable dear?
Bev: Oh yes, thank you dear.
(three kisses)
Ron: Sleep sweetly precious.
Bev: You are my life.
Ron: And you are my life, dear.
Bev: I'll see you in dreamland tonight!
Ron: Okay honey. I sure do love you.
Bev: And i love you. Goodnight precious.

makes me wanna cry. i love them.

"She was a war bride..."

So, a little explanation before i start this epic, epic love story.
I got a job with a home health agency, and I am currently workin as a hospice CNA. i love this job more than anything else in the whole world. My current patient i am working with has alzheimers, but her husband is sharp as a tack. they are 93 and have been married for 68 years.

I was in the dining room with my patient and her husband having a little dinner with them, when somehow the subject of worldwar two came up. For the next 40 minutes, i listened to the best love story i'd ever heard. my jaw seriously was dropped the majority of dinner. (for patients confidentiality, i'll change the names to Ron and Bev)

Ron began by telling me how him and Bev had met. He heard about a college frat reuinion, and made a note to travel to ohio to see some old friends. He told me all the details about the get together...the church, the basement, the decorations. He told me then that right when he arrived, he had seen the prettiest girl from across the room. She was wearing a red dress and Ron just absolutely was taken. He said he marched himself right up to her and asked her out right then and there, and they immediately started dating eachother. The funny thing was.. was he said that he didn't know that her big brother was his professor. He said, "Luckily...we were on good terms..." because he was so taken with Bev. They dated for a year when Ron got called into the Navy. He went to Harvard to take some training courses, and also Cambridge University, while Bev lived with her parents. One weekend Bev and her parents drove down to Norfolk to visit Ron while he was stationed at training in Virginia. He told me in detail about their sunday...the church they went to was the actualy church that General McCarthur went to. They went out to dinner, then Ron took them over to his ship he was to be stationed on in the future for a little tour. Ron told me that as he was walking up the dock, he saluted his fellow shipmate, and before anything else his shipmate said, without a salute, he said, "Pearl Harbor was attacked today."
Ron looked at me then and said, "Those are the days you don't forget." He told me then that If he was to get called on Active duty they would get married, but if he was immediately deployed they would wait till he got home from the war. Ron did get called to immediately deploy, and he said him and Bev got married anyway. "Yup, She was a war bride. I got the orders on Monday, we got married Wednesday, and I was out of there by that next Monday."
Bev smiled at Ron.
I asked Bev if she was scared, and she said, "Well i wasnt crazy! of course i was!"

I seriously didn't know what to say when he continued, "I survived the sinking of my ship." He told me about how he was a Captain and was in charge of alot of the decoding of messages on board. One afternoon, they were out on deck and saw a japanese fleet of planes flying over them. the last plane in the formation started diving at their boat, but their ships gunman shot the plane down before the pilot could do much. the plane crashed into the navy boat, and started a fire. Ron got orders to sink all the coding equipment before he was to evacuate the sinking ship, so for fifteen minutes he obeyed his orders while his ship was on fire, so the Japanese could not get any inside information.
"I saw my shipmates strewn out across the water." He finished up and told me how the rescue boat came and retreived some of the men, and he was one of them.

And there they were, 68 years later, holding hands at the dinner table and smiling at each other like they were 25. Ron looks at Bev like she is the most precious thing in the world. and he tells her that she is, everynight before bed. And Bev tells him that she loves him more and more everyday. Their story of how Ron survived while Bev was anxiously awaiting the arrival of her sweetheart, warms my heart. :) So... true love does exist.

I love my job.