Wednesday, October 5, 2011

cart-poker and spideys

today was quite the eventful day.

i woke up with a spider bite on my ankle.
literally 3 minutes later, i almost stepped on a HOBO spider that was chillin on my floor. (hey ps, HOBO spiders are killers. they are venemous and hideous. i dare you to google them. i'd post a picture of them on here, but wouldnt want to post such an ugly thing on my pretty little blurg. they are THAT ugly.)
this spider was....big. like...its butt alone was the size of a penny. :/
(and mind you, insects freak me out, but im not a huge sissy when it comes to them. like, i would kill cockroaches all the time with my super-freezing hairspray in hawaii, and it was NBD. i'd even pick them up when they were in a hair-spray coma and flush them down the toilet.... but killer spiders!? NOT OKAY.)
i froze in fear, and then speedily ran across my room to grab the RAID.

i then zinged that sucker with spider spray. it took way too long for my liking, so i promptly went to walmart to get some heavy duty stuff. all i found was weak crappy spray and i wasnt about to spend 6 bucks on another can of mediocre RAID that pissed me off in the first place.

picking up a few lunchables and some chocolate soymilk, i made my way to the cash register. the line was OOBER i picked up some chips right next to the about princess kate over a lady's shoulder in OK mag...and then paroozed through a discount cart that just seemed to sneak up behind me. you  know, those huge discount bins they put by the checkout stand..holding delicious french bread for 98 cents...candy for 50 cents.. discounted this and that for 10 cents....

well...i thought it a bit funny that they would have a cart full of FROZEN food...but man, some of that stuff looked so yummy! i picked up the occasional package of frozen burritos to read the label, and meandered around it, poked here and there, and turned back around. i decided to not put anything in my cart, but almost did.

about 2 minutes later, i turned back out of boredom, only to see A LADY HOLDING ONTO THE 'DISCOUNT CART' giving me the meanest white-girl look i've ever seen.
wait a minute............... fml. fml. fml.
she literally gave me a look as if i killed her firstborn. How was i to know that the cart belonged to someone!?! she must have been RIGHT next to it looking at a magazine or something and i must not have noticed her. OF COURSE WALMART WOULDNT HAVE FILLED A CART WITH FROZEN FOOD. CMON NICOLE, WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING!?!?...i quickly turned around, blushed, and thought about how awkawrd it would be to say, 'sorry i just poked through your cart.' i turned back around towards her to assess the situation and possibly apologize, but she just looked up from her magazine and death-glared me for the second time. awkward, party of me.

After my social failure at walmart, i headed to LOWES and got some heavy duty 'ortho home invasion insect spray' (thank you, amylee nicoll for this awesome recommendation) and made my way home. Yes, i felt like  an exterminator lugging around a huge insecticide thing spraying every nook and corner of my home with this spray... but i was not about to wake up one more morning and have a hobo spider on my pillow or camoflauging its ugly self against my carpet, too close to my feetsies. I was on a mission to kill every effing thing that had more than 2 legs.

After playing 'exterminator' for about an hour and soaking my house in chemicals, i headed to Friends of the Elderly. It was talent night..and was a hit. the best part of the night i must say, is when little 97 year old Joanna yelled out during one of the performances, 'IS THIS A MORMON CHURCH?!?' bless her and the fact that she's misplaced her hearing aide 2 weeks in a row.

and so it is now, that i ended up at the library, after being too scared to sit in my spider-infested home. I've spent the majority of the time sipping hot coco, people watching, pinteresting, facebooking, a wee bit of homework, and blogging.

today was a long day on the farm, but got lots of shiz done. i invaded a woman's personal space by paroozing through her items in her own shopping cart as well as hopefully killed many-a-spidey at my old, ugly, disgusting casa.

(and mom, i'll monitor that venomous bite. if i dont contact you within a few days, you'll know i fell victim to the venomous bugggg.)


Lisa said...

okay. So the other day I was putting my laundry into the washer and before I even got it all in a big fat nasty wolf spider fell out of the basket on top of my clothes. So I grabbed the Raid and sprayed maniacally. Then I ran out of Raid and the spider scurried away and I couldn't find him again. Since my carpet is brown I ran to my bed and jumped on my blue sheets in case he came after me I would be able to see him. And my husband didn't come home for TWO HOURS. so for those two hours I was a prisoner on my bed. He walked in and I was asleep folded over my crossed legs. Attractive right? He had to finish the laundry because I was certain that beast was still in the bathroom. I'm hoping he was in the washer and we drown him.

cole linnae said...

yes..that has been me the past few days!!! i just sit on my bed and just...sit. because there is nowhere i can go!!!!

livvy said...

hahahahh I seriously died when I read the part about you looking through that lady's cart!!! oh my gosh! I wish I could have seen her face! I miss you sooo much!!!!!!!

brittyd23 said...

ROFL. ROFL. rofl. rofl.

Brooke Shoko said...

hey nicole- that grocery store story was hilarious. hahahaha. too funny.

Amylee said...

Hope the spray worked for you!!!! They are the Devil incarnate.

And, seriously, the grocery cart story made. my. day.

I love you!