Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Last

Today a boy i havent talked to in 5 years showed me this youtube. he said it reminded him of me...i dont know if thats because i'm a nosy girl..or what. but me and him were never in love, so its kinda weird that he sent me this. but.. watch it.  try to ignore the couple cheesy parts and the fact that the main character is mike chang...mmk?

sooo anyway. member how i hate love and never wanna be in a relatinoship and dont believe in that bull at all? remember how i get super hurt and bitter over bad relationships? remember how i said i never wanna get married? we'll i'm still 7/10 of those feelings. but the 3/10s of the feelings that have a teensy weensy bit of hope that someday i'll find a LAST... just tried to burst outta my heart and explode through my tear ducts when i watched this. (dont mind that i have pms and cried last night in my bed because it was raining outside)

i just......... ok. once a girl liked a boy. and she told him. and he was like cool. and did nothing. and girl was like, wtf bro i went out on a limb. and hes all sorry im not brave and can't climb that tree. and im like what the heck you are a little boy... and im like.. i never go out on limbs bro!!!! this is mean. (but its not like this was me or anything.. :/ )

...i never go out on limbs. but every now and then i meet someone, and in the back of my head its like...what has come over me..you are cute.. i like you..what if there is the SMALLEST chance that this is the LAST? that 3/10ths of my gets the best of my tiny locked up unpredictable stupid PMS emotional heart just like that DURN t-swift album. i just.. i dont do crushes. i do stupid committment....and i try to avoid drama because heaven knows ive created and experienced enough of it. ive wanted to lock up my feelings the past year and be happy..and i really am. (minus this week). i really am FINE not being with someone and living the single life and finally living for me...but i also realized something. i am a better person when i care for someone. anyway. so my girly emotions get ahold of me...

and then i cry and get discouraged and wanna run away because that has been my stupid defense mechanism for the past couple years. maybe the 3/10s is just coming out because it is fall time and its about to get snowmantical and a boy hasnt called me beautiful in almost a year. maybe it caught me off guard and i ran away with an immature thought.

but anyways...this youtube.. you know the WHY girl in this video? it got me a thinkin.
i may be bitter and negative and stupid sometimes..and totes be a hater...but i dont wanna die without loving. without REALLY loving and being loved. i just dont. that..is the most miserable thought in the entire world... to never experience what everyone talks about and dreams about and hopes for.

i just.. wish someone could meet me halfway on a limb someday when i am ready and they are ready... BEFORE i fall off and break my neck and never experience great love...mmk?

mike chang...be my last..ok?

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