Monday, September 1, 2008

a comical snack

okay.. funny things this week.

i was driving back to logan today.. minding my own business and listening to the wicked soundtrack.. when all of a sudden i see a cop on the other side of the freeway stalling traffic. i drove past.. and i saw this little bike.. and im like shoot. why would a little girl be riding her schwinn across the freeway? then i hoped i wouldnt see anything horrible like an accident or something gross. so i drive up a little closer.. and see a policeman on the side of the road.... trying to dodge getting rammed in the crotch by a goat. im not kidding, it was one of the funnier moments in my life.

okay. okay i dont know if i tell you about my professor from 'chiner' who move here three week ago and never been to the states before.... but yaaaaaaaaaaaaa. we have to explain to her what nick names are..and what markers are.. and so forth. well anyway, in her class, she puts on chinese love songs and makes us write out our feelings about the song. as she was pulling up the tunes from chiner this week, i glimpsed at her playlist. ya she definately had 'like a virgin' by madonna up on the overhead board for all the class to see. awkward because i could totally see her jammin out to that. wayyy awkward.

also.. we got four goldfish to add to our humble home, and megs decided it would be okay to feed them a ritz cracker. spice up their diets a bit. they all were dead by the next morning. not belly up, but nose down with their tails waggin around in the water like they had a weight in their mouths. possible salt poisoning.

there is this boy in my shakespeare class who looks like david hasslehoff with rosatia and another who is one of those kids where you cant believe some of the things that come out of his mouth. his quaff is out of control. if i could immitate darrins laugh, i would. AH HU HU HU HU AH HUHUHU HU HU. i dont mean to be mean.. im just venting. i wanna drop that class every single time the tries to sit by me. so convieniently, i switch my grandmas ring onto my left finger and try to flaunt it every time he tries something. it works.

last but not least.. my date from hades. its a blindish date.. hes an RM so i thought he'd be more legit than some of the idiot freshman i've been hanging out with. no bueno, not legit. first of all, there was no attraction. if you know who manny is off of the movie 'ice age', there was a frightening similarity there. second of all, he was flirting with other girls on OUR date and we werent even sitting by eachother at the bowling alley and it was so awkward. third of all, he tried to extend this horrible date by watching a movie at his house. my roomate megan, bless her heart, called and said she got locked out of the apartment and i needed to come home. he said, 'oh i can just drop you off real quick then we can go back and finish the movie..' obviously he didnt get it. so we head back to my car, this time on his HARLEY..and conveniently cross the path of a truck spraying pesticides down the roads of logan. this is how the conversation went.
him: "aahhh duuuude. that stuff is poison!"
me: "what.."
him: "yeah man its like sooo bad for you. DONT BREATH K HERE WE GO"
me: (angry face.)

so we drive through the infected pesticide roads, and my eyes are burning so badly from the poison whipping in my face that i have dry poison tears running down the sides of my cheeks. we got to my car and i said.. im just gonna head in for the night, k BYE.

so i got home around eleven, smelling like poison and pesticides and deciding to never date again. ever.

4 comments:

It's ME! said...

Um, hahha, that could go down in history as the worst date of all time.

A motorcycle ride through poison.

I hope you don't go blind or anything.

Kristin May said...

Why are you so funny? David hasselhoff with rosatia? for real? I almost peed my pants.

Shelby LaNece said...

Ahahahhaha. Why do I love you so much. You should have called that goat and had it come ram your crazy pesticide boy in the crotch.

steve groch. said...

Hilarious. It really makes me wonder if my name ever comes up when girls I've dated tell bad date stories. I'm gonna go google myself.