Saturday, July 9, 2011

my last day

last friday was my last day with my boys. i'll be gone the rest of the summer and when school starts up again they wont need a my nanny days with my sweet boys are over. :(

(i walked downstairs on my last day and this was on their little chalkboard)

the last day i was with them, i bought them a bunch of fun summer things to do while i was gone. (the dollar store is a nanny's secret weapon- if anyone was wondering.) i got them floaties, decks of cards, weird goo blow up balloons, weird sponge bug things, water balloons (adding to the 500-yes-500 i already purchased) etc. crap little boys would like. i told them that hopefully it would hold them over for the rest of the summer..... but yes, every single thing was open, used, and pretty much broken by the days end. you wouldnt believvvveeeeee how happy it made them though. cool nanny = dollar store regular. why didnt i know that before now?

(yes, they didnt have little balloons one day so i got regular ones and filled them with the hose. giant mistake.)

-i'll miss the corbin and blake threatening to beat up 'that one old boyfriend' if he makes me cry one more time.
-i'll miss alex running to give me a hug in the morning and clinging onto my leg.
-i'll miss the funny crap corbin says 24/7.
-i'll also miss corbin sincerely telling me from his 9 year old heart that 'you just need to wait, because you'll find the right guy for you soon.'
-i'll miss nick sticking up for alex and asking him if he needs help remembering the three steps for how to 'turn his frown upside down'.
-i'll miss alex  DEMANDING 2 packets of ramen just for himself everday for lunch
-i'll miss nicks donald-duck lisp i tried not to laugh at
-i'll miss blakey talking about his mom and how he knows without a doubt he'll see her again someday.
-i'll miss the funny jokes corbin would tell me all the time that would literally make me laugh way too hard
-i'll miss blakey freaking out unnecessarily over things.

i'll never forget the day i came into the kitchen a few months ago with a tear-stricken face after a certain phonecall. blake and corbin looked at me and didnt know what to say...they just asked if i was okay, what was said to me that made me cry, asking me if they could call back and yell 'shut up' to this certain someone. corbin saw me choking back tears telling them i was fine and this person on the phone was just mean and i was overly sensitive because i was probably tired...and then corbin start crying. i'll never forget watching him sit there at the bar and wipe his tears away with his chubby little hands..just because he saw i was in pain.

i also will never forget the chats me, corb and blake had about their mom who had passed away. i  knew they missed her, but it was so hard to really get through to blakey. one day when we were watching home videos, corbin was pointing out all the old toys they got that christmas from their mom. blake said, "corbin, why are you remembering stuff? everythings gone." broke my heart. later that day i talked with the both of them about her, but blake is a hard one to crack. he always keeps his sadness on the inside and puts on a happy face. i sincerely hope someday he will be able to open up about that to his dad.

when i told my boys to come give me hugs for the last time on friday, i noticed corbin and nick starting to tear up. blake awkwardly watched me cry and didnt know what to say, and alex wouldnt get off of my leg. just look at this little face....................

me: "its okay! i'll come visit and stuff. and i can e-mail blakey and send you guys pictures and stuff, okay? i prrrrrrromise."
alex: "but....but how are we going to keep in touch? (with the most sincere, concerned little face ever) i....i dont even.. i dont even have a facebook!!!!!"

i aaaaaaaaaaalmost lost it when he said that. watching them in the rear-view all waving goodbye to me  from the driveway and watching the little one run after me down the street after my truck....broke. my. heart. they are gonna grow up and get big and i'm not gonna be able to see it all!!!!! :(

yes, saying goodbye to a 7 year old, 9 year old, 10 year old, and 11 year old made me cry- sad, choked-back, painful tears. its a bummer, because i was just getting to know corbin and blakes new step-brothers the past few months...and now i cant be with them. :( ya know what? i KNOW..i'm gonna be a hellicopter mom. i'm gonna always wanna be all up in my kids business, so i never miss one single part of them growing up.

i miss my boys already.

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