Friday, January 13, 2012

babies babies babies babies

i love them. i love their widdle hands and their widdle feet and their annoying widdle cry.

  • working in the NICU & the mama unit has been amazing. last semester i saw and did a lot of really cool stuff..helped with adoptions, was the witness on the surrogacy papers, educated countless moms on post partum depression, counseled a family who was about to lose their baby..witnessed moms kissing and crying onto their sweet little  angels who didn't make it to this world and learning the correct words to offer for has been amazing working here. i love it and it makes me excited to have my own someday. a baby to call MY OWN! a baby that looks like me..has my nose (maybe my husbands eyes) and has a smile just like mine.

  • i love walking into a room and seeing one mother holding her baby and notice its little yawn..and i love walking into another room down the hall and see a fatty little 9 pounder with tons of hair on its little noggin..i love catching myself talking babytalk to these mom's babies..even if im cooing in english to a cutie little hispanic baby. they probly think im a NUT. (its fine. i pretend 1. the baby can understand me....2. the baby is bi-lingual)

  • its not all fun and games though. its hard and draining and i've come home almost in tears before. i'll be gone from the hospital for a few days and when i come back and ask about the case i was on, it is a punch in the chest to hear that my NICU baby has passed away. the same NICU baby that i was informed was possibly not going to make it, but the parents believed the baby would. ive never felt like i was lying to a patient before when i went in their room getting information, giving encouraging words about the skill of the NICU staff and the truly amazing care their baby was getting, but legally not being able to even hint that i knew anything about the medical situation.. after i heard the news, i think.."i wish i woulda been there to follow up with that family, so they didnt have to talk to a complete stranger at the time they needed someone most. even if i wasn't good at my job, at least they could have recognized a familiar face when they were making final arrangements! at least they could have had that." it is frustrating to me that i couldn't be there. it hurts my heart and i wish i could have attended the funeral, could have followed up with them afterwards. but once the case is handed off to someone else, thats the end of it and you never see them again. and it sucks.

  •  alot of times i feel unqualified to be asking such personal questions when i'm doing a patient screening...(asking very personal questions about marriage arrangements..outside relationships...drug and alcohol use..etc.) wanna know who scares me most though? excuse my language...but bratty teenage girls who dont give a rats ass that they just birthed a MIRACLE, because they are busy thinking about when their next high will be, or when the next time they can secretly run to the parkinglot to take a smoke. it drives me bonkers, and those teenagers really intimiade me. they  make me sweat and mumble and i hate it! my boss said when i get nervouse like that around drug moms and teens, i need to walk in and act like i'm 'all that and a bag of chips' because they need to know they need to respect me (and quit texting while i'm talking to them for crying out loud) and that i have a 'certain level of superiority' when i am inquring about hx of drug use and things like that. (this is not to act like i am better than them at all..but it is to create a professional relationship so they'll take me seriously when i offer them legit resources that can improve their lives, even if they deny me.) so basically, i need to act like i know what i'm doing, even when in my head i'm  having flashbacks to the scary kids by the 1100 hall at davis high. gotta cut those flashbacks out..hahah. i need to work on that. :/

  • high profile cases make me have severe anxiety..hoping i did everything fully and right and legally..and thats all i'll say about that.

  • i also dont think newborns look as much like aliens as i did before. (but they are still weird lookin when they are brand new and their faces are still swollen)

anyway, babies are just little miracles swaddled up in cuteness....i just feel so blessed to be able to be a part of the social work team at mckay-dee.

that is all.


Kristen Marie. said...

I must admit that I'm super jealous, the NICU is the best. I got to watch a baby be born during clinicals last year and I was seriously bawling my eyes out. The whole thing is such a miracle and those little babies...gaaaah. I can't even handle it. That's where I want to be when I graduate. Props to you though cause I think I'd wet my pants if I had to deal with the social work part of it all.

morgan said...

you've convinced me: i want to look at SW in hospitals. (not that i'm qualified or anything....)

Brooke Shoko said...

you are SO good at conveying your feelings! i absolutely wooooved this post.