Saturday, July 7, 2012

Gabby's pool and Stephanie Tanner

Once upon a hot summer day, my mother decided to take all of us over to my big sister jackie’s friends house, Gabby. Gabby’s family was so sweet and im sure said ‘suuuuuure bring all of your 5 daughters over to swim any time you want!’ They were just nice like that and im sure we begged our mother to take them up on that offer. The most water activity we had was running through the sprinklers with a pool day would have been UNREAL.  So, one hot day, I remember finally walking with my mom and sisters down 2 blocks to Gabby’s house. I had been SO EXCITED all day and had tried patiently to contain my excitement by watching Full House for hours on end, so I would get my mind off how excited I was. Well..when the time came, we got to gabby’s backyard..and low and behold….the most GLORIOUS dough-boy pool you have ever seen in your life. It even had a ladder you had to climb up on!!!!!!!! Man this was great…this was…. *fear sets in* did I have my water wings on? Were there sharks in there? Other marine wildlife? Octopus? Whales? Octopus-shark-whales? Has anyone ever drowned in this pool before?

My sisters hopped in, and I insisted on following my mom into the kitchen where she chatted with Gabby’s mom. I wanted to wait a few minutes.... maybe i just ate and wanted my stomach to settle? I was being responsible....I'd swim later.
My sisters had immediately rushed to the pool and im sure flopped their homely little selves in. (you don’t believe how homely we looked? Heres a picture of a regular summer day growing up):

Anyway.. as i would run between the kitchen and would longingly run to the sliding glass door to watch my sisters swim sisters would say.. ‘Cmon coco! Come in the water with us. We’ll hold on to you!’ and ‘oh just come in…its fun! We wont even splash..’  or ‘I’ll let you wear my goggles!’ anyways, their words did not find comfort in the fear I was feeling. I was no fool. I was a cautious child. And then something happened. as I was considering getting into the glorious pool......... *flashback to great America* the fear…and anticipation…had suddenly filled my bladder. I had to pee SO BADLY but of course did NOT want to use a strangers bathroom! HOW EMBARRASSING WOULD THAT BE!? Only babies had to go to the bathroom at strangers houses...and I was 5! I realized I probably had to pee since my Full House marathon, but was so enthralled by D.J. and Steves love, that I probably did not want to miss a SECOND of those episodes.

I was fine. I’d hold it. Im a champ. Over and out. Its not like it was at Great America..there was no rushing water, rapids and waterfalls taunting me. It was fine. I was fine and a BIG GIRL. I’d hold my pee like a champ.

Finally after getting bored of mother’s conversation and my sisters nagging…I decided to go outside. I didn’t have to pee so bad, I was really hot, and could use a dip in the pool. brush that dirt of ya shoulda. i could do it. I WAS GOING TO OVERCOME MY FEAR DANGIT. I had waited so long for this dough-boy pool experience.

            So, my sisters hopped back in, and waited for me to come in. I climbed one step. Water wings ready. I was ok. I climbed 2 steps. Getting nervous. I climbed three steps and saw just how deep the water was in that 3  ½ foot walmart pool.  Four steps. *fear floods me, in an excited sort of way* and suddenly…I feel hot pee running down my legs. Standing at the top of the swim steps.....i look down at the pee dripping down my legs..back up at the pool staring at me. down at my legs...back up at the rest of the swimmers.. the whoooooole pool watching me in disgust. *crickets chirp*. PANIC.

I of course start crying and run to my mother, in which she profusely apologizes to Gabby and her mother  for her daughter urinating all over their swim steps and walks me home to change.

Annnnnd that was the day I was so excited to go swimming, that I peed myself.....


Cut to a nightmare I had around this time. It was of course, after the swimming pool incident…probably 6 months after this traumatizing experience.

I was there once more.. in Gabby’s backyard…with my swimmy on and water wings ready. The large walmart pool  that had defeated me earlier was calling my name. My sisters were there, encouraging me to get in.  but this time, I was so much braver than I had been in real life!!
(Redemption!!!! This would be my chance)

I walked over to the pool confidently…only to see Willy, from Free Willy jumping gallantly across the pool waters. I was amazed! A pool AND a whale!?!? *FIST PUMP!* Amazing. How cool was it that this pool was actually big enough that a medium dream whale could be swimming around in it!? I could almost hear 'i will be there' by michael jackson playing in the background of my dream.
To fulfill this amazing dream.. naturally I want to get in and swim with it. As I am climbing the dream ladder… right where I had started wetting myself in real life, in my DREAM LIFE, fear absolutely overcomes me. What do I see when I look down? No, not dream-pee running down my dream-legs....

I see Stephanie Tanner’s dead head, FLOATING IN THE WATER.

Willy had killed her. Decapitated her. And her dead head was floating in Gabby's pool.

I looked around.... my sisters were gone.. Gabby was gone.. my mom was was me, killer Willy, and Stephanie Tanner's dead head.
I was absoutely dream paralyzed.

I immediately woke up crying and vowed that the rest of my childhood, i would not get in a pool big enough to house even the idea of a dream killer whale.
or a medium dream whale.

or Stephanie Tanner.


ashnicole said...

I think I'll go watch Full House now.

Lisa said...

I am dying right now looking at that picture of all of you in your swimsuits. Funniest thing I have seen in a long time.