Sunday, August 12, 2012


ive been wanting to write this post for a while.
and its funny...because i wanted to write it but waited, and then i had my own run in with my past that left me nervous and unsure. but lets not talk about that.

i talked to one of my best friends the other day who had a 'run-in' with her ex. this ex la la la la la LOVED her unconditionally..the kind of love where nothing you say or do or feel can ever be wrong, and will never take away from the love they have for you. It was the type of love that isnt the movie kind of love, because lets be real... thats not real. it was the kind where it is absolutely pure, unconditional, caring deep love....but guess what? something just wasnt right for her.  they were going to get married and everything...but it just didnt feel like it should feel. he loved her with his whole heart for YEARS, even when she didnt know it. and she loved him back, but not the same way. she knew it wasn't going to work. was she scared she was never going to find someone else to love? yes. was she scared she was never going to find someone else who would love her absolutely unconditionally and wholly? yes. did that make her give in to something that didn't feel right? no.

so...they broke up after a long time of being together.   the last time they talked, was the actual day they broke up....and didn't talk for months and months. and then guess what? they ran into eachother at school. they knew it was gonna happen sooner or later....just didn't know it would actually be real life to see each other again, ya know?

they acted like.. 'whats uppppppp!'
talked about work...
talked about school.
sarcastically made fun of how the other person looked, like good friends would joke around.
and then it was like 'well..i'm late for work, see ya.'

no lingering eyes.
no smiles you cant contain.
no butterflies or fast heartbeats or sweaty palms.
no '....its SO good to see you........' heartfelt comments.
no lovey-dovey tension between the two of them.
no aching to hold them one more time.
and guess what? no obsessively thinking about it for days on end.
it was just a run-in for them.

and it made me strange things are and how much life can take turns and twists you absolutely never in a MILLION years thought they would.

these two never thought they would casually run into eachother on campus one day, and then go back to work and class the same day and go on living their lives. they never planned that they would say 'whats up!' to each other and then have other engagements they needed to attend to. they never planned they would pass eachother and stop for 5 minutes to catch up on their lives.

they planned to be together, and live life together, and love each other for good. they planned to be in each other's lives for the rest of all time. they planned to have a family, and commit to each other and ALWAYS be the other half of that person.
and it didnt happen.

they will never hold hands again.
or hug each other everyday. and cry together and laugh together.
they are strangers now. and its fine.

its just so crazy to me to think that two people who have been so in love, can be strangers one day...and go on living their lives....and its okay. time passes, and in 6 months everything is so much different than you had planned.... and it happens every single day. people fall in love, and they fall out of it, and life goes on. and then its weird for me to think...that every boy that i have loved has become a stranger to me. and people you thought would be there for always....arent.

i dont quite know what i wanted to figure out by writing this post....but i guess i just realized its weird to me how life has a way of working out, and people have a way of coming and going.

but thats life. it goes on, right?

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