Friday, January 29, 2010

spare me the comments.

Just.. dont say anything. just let me vent for a minute. because i never really say what i feel on my blog. which is an oxymoron because its a journal for heavens sake. but just don't say anything. it will save me the embarrassment of seeing my dating life how it really is, okay?

I shouldn't be cynical about things in my life- because i'm so, so blessed. But after a while of dating loser after loser after jerk after loser...the whole 'i dont want you thing' kind of gets old. and then my heart starts to feel a little bit like there is a part of it thats defected. like.. they don't want it because there is something wrong with it. they take it for about a month or so... am convinced i am some awesome girl they really adore, and then they scramble to find their reciept for my poor, pathetic heart and rush as fast as they can to give it back to me. the sucky thing is..after a breakup, i vow to never date again. that vow lasts for about 3-6 months and then i do the same stupid thing over again.

i mean.. it wouldnt be so bad if they didn't give me reasons. the same reasons. like.. "i thought i wanted it. i thought i really liked you, and i liked kissing you and stuff. and i could see us together. but i just don't want it. guess i was wrong. you're really pretty though. but, sorry."

Last night i was looking for a letter and I came across an old dove chocolate wrapper that i had flattened out and saved. you know the ones with the cute little fortunes? well, it said.."see how much your heart can hold." i wanted to crumple it up and curse. i didn't. i politely put it back where i had found it.

anyways, watching movies and buying reeses and knitting gets old after a while. eating my feelings gets old. telling myself that there is a guy who will actually WANT to spend time with me...that gets old as well. it also gets old when i'm walking down the valentines aisle at walmart (i LOVE the holiday aisle at wallyworld. LOVE it.) ...and realizing that a boy hasnt wanted to be with me since i was 15. i'm being serious. wanna know what else gets old? hearing about ex after ex getting engaged. funny.

true life: i'm defected.

1 comment:

Tami said...

I know you said not to comment, but ... :(