happy fourteenth day of february. valentines has never been too special for me.. mostly because i've had experiences in my dating years like: the one time i got dumped 2 days before valentines/the night before my prom...somehow ending up in tears crying to my mother every other year, etc...
i've never had an extrordinary valentines day, ever. ever ever.
i just want one extrordinary day. i do! i really do.
and now? no one to laugh at my painfully lame jokes, no one to eat oatmeal and fruit salad with, no one to grocery shop with and go down every single aisle with picking out the good stuff the other one likes, no date nights or stay home dinners to be made for each other, no more finding love notes on my computer, no more hiding love notes in his room, no more dropping me off at class when i'm running late, no more walking into my room to a surprise, no more redboxing movies and never returning them...no more honking and waving at random strangers walking by, etc. and realizing that the valentines gift you thought of 5 months earlier won't ever be given.... sort of isnt the funnest thing in the world.
just no more bestest other half puzzle piece best friend. and its sad. and people can say i'm better off..maybe because they just want whats best for me, they hate seeing me cry and just hope for my happiness because they love me. i respect every piece of advice i get and take it into consideration..
but in the end its me..its my experience, my feelings, i know every piece of whats going on and what its been like the past 9 months. they arent the ones going to bed with half of a heart and waking up everyday trying to remember how to function with the other half of it gone. and its difficult.
so whaddoo i dooo? be bitter and eat valentines candy by myself? watch love movies and cry my eyes out? rember how much love i had in my heart for a best friend i thought i'd never find and just be pissy all day?
i just feel lucky to have felt it in my heart already, and i'm only 21.
i know it exists. i see it when i catch my best friend staring at her fiance, i hear it when an elderly person talks of their long-gone spouse, i feel it when i earnestly pray, and i see it when my friend holds and kisses her baby.
my wonderful family
the opportunity to serve others
people who have loved me in return
the people in the world who are willing to give you a sincere smile and wish you a happy valentines day at the check out stand.
moral of the post: dont punch the happy people. love them. and be grateful if you're heart has felt love.