Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Please Meet: Nadeene

So, i have this friend. she is a little girl actually and she is really, really fat. and she lives inside of me. Sometimes, like over thanksgiving weekend and after other major holidays, she comes out to taunt me and she makes me gain 6 pounds in 2 days. Lets call her Nadeene. She looks something like this:

Nadeene is terrible. She has been coming out of her shell lately and its really starting to piss me off..She makes me the kind of girl who is sitting in her bed at 1 in the morning with nutella and pretzels...who is feverishly licking the chocolate off her fingers from dipping deep into the hazelnut spread so that the greedy little fat girl inside of me can get every last bit of chocolately pleasure. and then..i look down and realize i've consumed a whole jar of nutella in less than 12 hours. and i am ashamed. and she is victorious.

And THEN.. she does stuff like throw things in my cart when i'm grocery shopping!! She does it sly so i don't notice. I imagine its sorta like a grab-and- toss-behind-the-back kinda thing. So there i am at the checkstand and all these items are embarrassing me because only a CHILD would live off of them..and nadeene is very pleased inside. very, very pleased. pleased because the checker thinks that i have a goal of reaching 250 pounds, and pleased because she has won. This is serious business folks.

The fat girl inside me MUST be stopped! Operation starvation is starting! (not really starvation, just operation eat at LEAST one healthy thing a day to replace all the chocolate i consume. starvation just rhymes well.)

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