Sunday, December 26, 2010

rant rant rant rant rant RANT

it hurts. and aches. and it makes it worse that its the holidays.
it just wants to listen to john mayer on repeat and never hop out of bed.
my little heart is out of order right now, and will be for a while.
this christmas i cried. i bet i'll be crying on my 21st birthday. and new years eve too probably while everyone else is smooching their sweetheart to bring in the new year.
i hear that broken hearts are worse on the holidays...i believe it.

and its because no one gets it. no on understands unless you know what it feels like.
the feeling where you read something you wish you hadnt and the awful feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when your brain makes sense of what youre reading..
the feeling where you realize that a lie would have been better than admitting the truth to yourself.
or the feeling of finding out who a person they really felt. what they really thought of you all along. what they'd really been saying...finding out their loyalty and true character.
you dont know unless you know what it feels like to always have a cloud hanging over your head. so dont tell me to let the sunshine in when you clearly have never had a rainy day.

its hard. im holding on, but its hard. i need to mourn and move on.

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