Thursday, May 3, 2012

things weighing on my mind.

This week has been hard. hard because of obvious reasons, but hard because of some other things I havent really wanted to think about.

Lately, it seems like too many lives are being cut short.

A sweet boy i went to jr high, highschool and college with passed away a few weeks ago unexpectedly. my heart hurts for his family, his twin, and his friends that were so close to him. That took everyone by surprise and shook up everyone who's lives he touched. Made me realize just how fast life can change...still can't believe it really happened.

And on sunday, a friend i had freshman year of college passed away in a car wreck... and i cant help but keep thinking about how our last, mean conversation went. i badly.. that we hadnt left on such awful terms. we said awful things to each other. i was bugging him...he was bugging me...i wish i could take back what i said 100x over. im not sure if he even remembers or cares that that was the last time we talked...i'm sure he'd laugh if i brought up our mean convo we had 3 whole years ago... but this really opened up my eyes and makes me appreciate everyone in my makes me not want to say a harsh word to anyone EVER..and it made me want to tell the people in my life i love, that i love them. I'm so sorry Chayse.

Tomorrow is my last day of work at the hospital. (mostly i'm just going in to say goodbye to my bosses and cry and hug them.) it has been an amazing year and i am so blessed i got to have the bosses and co-workers i did. i learned SO much about social work, and i know its what i'm really passionate about and what im supposed to do. i want to help new moms quit their drug habit, i want to reach out and give them resources and people who can help them. i want to counsel families who just lost their little babes, and i want to help give adoptive families their new little bundles of joy. i feel like i just got the hang of working there... (i finally even became friends with the verrrrry intimidating charge nurse!! she asked me the other day if we should run a drug screen on a certain mother who had been in prison...i told her i was unsure, and she said, 'youre the social worker, i trust you and i trust your decision.' That kinda blew me away. I'm really sad to be leaving.

Aside from those things.. i'm graduating on Saturday. this is hard for me guys! Saying goodbye to Logan was especially hard. When i walked out of Old Main after my last final, it was the weirdest feeling. I must have taken at least 50 finals in that building the past 4 years. I even had to say goodbye to WALMART late one night! gosh i love that place. haha. im serious. i dont really do well with change. i didnt think i'd graduate high school, and here i am graduating college. its scary...i never thought i'd get this far. and here i am! now what? my plans seem so silly now. I'm going to do the things i love and take this time to be selfish..just for a little bit. I want to become a better person this next year, so i can be a great person when i get blessed with my own family. Thats all i really care about.

I started my new job today in Salt Lake. I'm nannying for 1-year old triplets, and its a great paying job with perfect hours. it will be a good way to make money before grad school... all the boys are so sweet, and coming home with babyfood and baby spit up all over my clothes isnt really half bad. i don't mind it at all. I may get another job, now that my summer plans have pretty much changed..i'd love to be working every waking hour if i could.

I just feel like im ready for certain things in my life right now, that just wont come. And i feel like i have waited long for these things to happen. Am i being dramatic? maybe. but thats how i feel.

but i was reminded of a quote the other day by Elder Holland...bless his heart...

"Some blessings come soon, and some dont come until heaven. But for those who embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they come"

I must have faith that everything will work out for the best.  Because that is my only option.


Robby Spratt said...

I'm really sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. Life is weird like that. Everything can be so good for a long time, and then suddenly things start falling apart. I suppose we just have to wait out the storm and trust that good times will come again.
I had a hard time leaving Logan too. I love that town. I am always looking for excuses to make it back. My brother just went back to school at USU, which makes me happy, because I was running out of friends to go visit.
SLC is a nice place to live too. I think you will like it down here. There is lots of cool stuff to do, and neat places to go. I rather like SLC.
Good luck with your new job, I'm sure you will be really good at it. :)

Christy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Christy said...

Oh, I love you. I'm so proud of you Cole.

One more quote from Jeffery R:

"Life ought to be enjoyed at every stage of our experience and should not be hurried and wrenched and truncated and torn to fit an unnatural schedule which you have predetermined but which may not be the Lord's personal plan for you at all. We probably all get caught thinking real life is still ahead of us, still a little farther down the road.

But don't wait to live!....Don't wait for life to gallop in and sweep you off your feet. It is a quieter, more pedestrian visitor than that. In a church which understands more about time and its relationship to eternity than any other, we of all people ought to savor every moment, filling it full of all the truly good things of life.."

When I think of Clayton or Chayse or graduation, I think about this.

Don't ever wait to live. Life is a gift and you never know how much time you have..or how fast it will fly by.
Annnd this is the longest comment I've ever left you. youresogreatseeyoutonightkthxbai.