Tuesday, April 6, 2010

best best best

I'm going to hate myself in the morning when i have to wake up at 7.
i just have alot on my mind.

such as:
I have expectations. alot of them.
 But i think i'm allowed to, because as much as i doubt myself and sometimes i doubt my worth due to all the people passing me up or putting me down or making jokes about me somehow missing the talent train,
 i think i'm allowed to deserve the best.
who isn't allowed to deserve the best? maybe hitler or someone like that..
but i mean really. Where is my bucket of best? 
I know someday I'll have the best..  but i wish it'd hurry up and get here.
  i've been saying best too much. its lost its meaning.
best best best best.
I need to be my best self so I can deserve the best.
Because no one ever got anywhere in life by sitting on their bums
and waiting for something  bestish to happen.

I've been reading a book called 'Turning Stones' for my social work paper due on thursday..
 (yes, i just started it today.)
...Its about a caseworker's stories in the Emergency Child Welfare field..
and sometimes i ask myself what the H-E-doublehockeysticks i'm getting into.
 Kids being taken outta their homes with track marks on their tiny little arms?
or traces of cocaine in their blood?
Learning about 'doughnut burns' (if you dont know what those are, dont ask.)
and learning about different types of handprint bruises...
 I know i want to help people in my profession and i know its where i need to be..
but i think i may have to take alot of mental health days.
or maybe just not work with babies.
because it breaks my heart.
 I need to thicken up my skin.
I wish they had something like that.
like skelegrow but skintoughengrow.
yeahhhh. skintoughengrow.
sorry that its so late i'm making up my own HP potions..

I can't wait to start working with my hospice patients again.
 I can't wait to hold their old little hands and talk about the war again.
 I need it i think.
 it helps me keep perspective on the important things in life.
So what if they smell like poop?
i think they are adorable.

I'll probably blog tomorrow during stats. because lets be real. I'm failing that class anyways and i need something to distract me from that awful accent of Docta Cutlaaahhhhss.

Next stop: bed
Up ahead: finding my bucket of bestish things.


Lauren Brown said...

this is absolutely wonderful nicolleeee. and you do deserve the best. and i have no doubt that you'll find it. patience my dear.

The Lonely Boy said...

i love this post. in fact, i texted you about it. miss you nig-hole.

brittyd said...

nicole. you are the best. seriously. And you did NOT miss the talent train. ARe you kiddin me? You got talent comin outta your butt! Which is a good thing. Trust me, it's good. Thanks for being such a good friend (talent). Looveee youuuu.
also, you are good at blogging (talent).
you are HILARIOUS (talent).
you are nice to everyone (TALENT).
do I need to keep going? cuz I will...
You find funny youtube videos and share them (talent).
you laugh at my stupid jokes and comments and weirdness (talent). cuz, you know, not very many people appreciate my humor.
ANYWAYSSS....you are great. and i just wanted to let you know.
love, brit.
wow, sorry this was such a novel.